The Next Stage

I was supposed to be taking Clomid this cycle. I was supposed to get a trigger shot from my husband, which absolutely terrifies me. This was supposed to be our first month to actually have a decent chance. Instead, I have a cyst. Apparently I didn’t ovulate until 5 days before my period and so I have a nice cyst left over from that. So it’s on to the next cycle.

My mom tried to tell me that maybe I needed to wait. Maybe things needed to calm down a bit before all of this started. I mostly kept my cool, but did inform her that waiting isn’t an option. I’ve been waiting for four years. I’m tired of waiting.

I had an interview for a job I really wanted a couple of weeks ago. I did not get the job, and it kind of devastated me. I rocked the job interview, but apparently someone else was better suited for the position. I am, quite frankly, over-qualified, but I stressed during the interview how much I wanted this particular position. It was part time. I would have a very very short commute and a very low amount of responsibility. It was perfect for someone who has to drive 45 minutes to the doctor 2-3 times a month. Oh well.

The temp agency keeps calling me, but I’m not willing to commute an hour to work so that’s kind of been a bust. Last time I talked to them, I told them that I had too much going on right now and I would call them when things settled down. I need to figure some things out.

Also, we’re moving next week. Our landlord decided he wanted to sell our house, plus we’ve discovered how expensive living here actually is thanks to $400 electricity bills. I’m excited about our new house. It’s going to be about 500 square feet smaller, but I won’t have to worry about dirty carpet, ant infestations, or paying to cool it in the 105° weather. This will be my sixth move since January of 2010. I hope it’s my last for awhile.

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I Must Be Adopted

I have now been in my hometown for 14 days of a 16 day trip. So far, I have: been yelled at by my mother for not spending enough time with her even though she works every day, argued with my mom and stepdad about gay/black people, been told by my grandmother how disappointed she is in me because I didn’t go to the family reunion that I never planned to go to in the first place, had the same grandmother tell me that she thought I would call HER after she forgot my fucking birthday, took a car ride with a two year old who was NOT strapped in and was called paranoid, dove my mom to get food while she drank her beer and was called paranoid, and lots of other little things that make me want to run screaming from this place.

Yep, I’m home.

It really fucking sucks that me standing up for myself/others gets me labeled as paranoid or naive or “young.” (Thanks?) What sucks for them is that I’ve never been more confident in my beliefs or my choices. And my best choice is waiting on my paranoid, young, naive self half way across the country. And to think, I was worried about being so far away from my family…

Oh, I forgot the cherry on top. My mom spent 15 minutes telling me about all the couples she knows who have lived “fulfilling” lived without kids.